You are a mad man

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. I needed a break. So the other morning I rested, but it wasn’t in bed or on the couch or in the bathtub. Sometimes, at the end of the evening, my five year old son climbs up into my lap just to fall asleep. He doesn’t want anything from me… not to play, not a snack and not a DVD to watch either. He just needs a place that is safe and restful. So this morning I climbed into the arms of the Lord in restful prayer. I just calmed my mind and let my heart and worries rest in God’s grace. I didn’t ask for anything… not guidance, not answers, not even blessings. Just rest. And the Lord let my heart be still and He restored me. Once I was rested and calm He began to speak to my conscience…

You are a violent man. Well. That was a short rest.

But even a short rest in the presence of the Father is like sleeping in for a week straight.

Don’t you see how violent and restless your heart is when you don’t get your way, when you are not in control? Look at your heart, what do you see?

And of course, He was right. I saw unresolved violence there.

Over the years the Lord has healed many of my wounds. Now He began to dig deeper.

Those that know me might be surprised by this assessment. I appear patient on the outside maybe even serene. But inside, sometimes very, very deep, even to the point where I am not conscious of it, I am violent. Rarely, it comes to the surface… I lose my temper and I lash out. Perhaps my “lashing out” is mild compared to others, but maybe not. Either way it is a repulsive sensation, and thankfully it never lasts too long. And in my restful prayer, in silence, God began to address it. He knew He needed to find me in a time of rest and peace to get this message through. It was in fact the best moment.

Controlling violence by my own force of will only leads to false humility. I must look for true restoration, not more levels of complexity. If I lead with my aggression then God’s grace can never shine through. This inner process of transformation can then be expressed outwardly to transform my environment and hopefully inspire others. This is how we become the light of the earth.

Sometimes we must express our frustrations, but when, where and how are crucial. If I vent at the expense of another then I am in error. If I infect my family with the virus of aggression then I am being a poor steward.

I do not mean to imply that followers of Christ should be wimpy. But in His presence we must be docile and all our barriers must be brought down to let His Spirit take control. And here we find true boldness, courage and strength which conquer any of our insecurities.

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24 comments on “You are a mad man

  1. idomagirl says:

    I’m so glad i found this blog. God bless you.

  2. Naphtali says:

    ok Vince, you have outdone yourself with this one. Inspiring.

  3. Brad Stanton says:

    wow, i bet u r doing a great job down there. I was a missionary to China for ten years, wanted to stay in Asia, wife insisted we come back to the states. I’ll say a pray for your work, please pray for mine too.

  4. “…all our barriers must be brought down to let His Spirit take control.” Speaks volumes to my heart Vince, thanks for sharing.

  5. Just resting in God. Wow I love that. It’s been so long since I’ve done that I’m going to have to relearn how to just be still. I too struggle w/ frustration and anger bubbling deep inside. Just resting and giving that frustration over to God sounds so refreshing.

  6. RFL says:

    I love the image of crawling into God’s arms for rest and comfort without any other motive. It is so hard to do what you’ve described here when dealing with anger and frustration, especially when we feel that we are right to be angry. Great message.

  7. ‘Don’t you see how violent and restless your heart is when you don’t get your way, when you are not in control?’

    So true. This is a great post, Vince. It resonated with me as someone who is cool, calm, and collected on the exterior but who sometimes struggles with a temper. God is the way toward calming our own seas. Really enjoyed this one. Have a good day, my friend.

    • Vince Chough says:

      I’m amazed at how many share the same struggles as I do. It comforts me to know that I’m not alone. Even more comforting is knowing Who can help me. Bless you Brian.

  8. jamie says:

    Happy you found time to rest, Vince.

  9. Deep in awareness…in silence(ours), God speaks.

    Brave post. Love your transparency.

    I have hidden things, too. We all do, I guess. But am learning to let God do some digging, for the joy…

  10. Kufre-Abasi says:

    Lately, I ve been angry wit myself & God. Why did God let me be born into a country dt has been structured to b corrupt. Why am I so helpless & powerless to do anytin other Dan to pray abt it. I hated everytin abt myself to a point of loosing the interest to live. I’m just mad wit myself & my conditions.
    But ur blog has given me answers & calm my nerves. I ve found a reason to live again. The system is so corrupt & pervaded living a righteous life is almost impossible.
    The struggles continues
    Thank u

    • Vince Chough says:

      Your comment also gives me a reason to live. To serve God as faithfully as I possible can.

      I don’t know where you live, but the pressure must be very intense.

      Don’t do it on your own. Let the Holy Spirit take the load. He is our strength. Let Him do it all for you. Don’t make it your problem because it is not under your control.

      When we let the Spirit take control then we have peace. And when we are peaceful we can be useful.

      I am praying for you. God bless you.

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