Let my knowing become my being

How far are we, as writers, willing to go in dedication to our craft? Some write for a release and as an outlet for expression. What happens when your hobby becomes an obsession? For what ends do I write? For recognition? For others to tell me how insightful or witty I am? Here I dig for my true motivation. I say it is for God. But is it? Or is it all just to satisfy my selfish needs?

As a Christian, I know I must serve. But where? How? If my words, no matter how inspiring, are born of pride or ego, then they only soil my faith.

I search for clarity. I search for truth.

If I can rip down the barriers of my insecurities and produce something revealing my true self, then perhaps I have done a service to someone and to my God.

So we kick ourselves in the pants every day pushing the envelope. We get stiff necks and fingers pounding out something that might stir someone to quiver with discomfort or delight… something that might move them for a moment at least.

We seek community, but also individual recognition – a most difficult balance if one cares to maintain integrity. How much am I willing to give in order to get? How much am I giving with no strings attached? Is there not even a gossamer thread that binds me to a darker motive? Upon closer inspection perhaps that thread has the tensile strength of thick piano wire and cutting it is like cutting a nerve.

By nature I am selfish, egotistical and proud. By the Lord’s grace, these faults have been attenuated, but not crushed. And I fear their obliteration as it will mean the death of me. He calls me to give more, yet how much more? I feel myself being pulled inside out. The Father is never ashamed of me, but maybe I am, so I look for every soothing word except His in my insecurity. If only I could be a simple man.

My resources are infinitely limited; His of infinite abundance. I must take my eyes off of myself and look upon the love He spilled out. His precious blood, His deep wounds… in these I find hope because I know what they mean. Holy Father…  let my knowing become my being.

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JHR

18 comments on “Let my knowing become my being

  1. RFL says:

    Great post. I struggle with this all the time hearing these words in my head, “Don’t write that, write this.” (Obviously my blog is evidence that I have not made this transition yet because I truly love to make people laugh at inappropriate things and my ego is very present in this motivation). This quote from C.S. Lewis made an impact on my heart recently: “We must attack the enemy’s line of communication. What we want is not more little books about Christianity, but more little books by Christians on other subjects–with their Christianity latent.” Just felt like I should share that quote with you today for some reason.

  2. granbee says:

    Oh, I very much join you in this prayer, Vince, that my knowing the Truth of His HOly Words to me, the truth of His promises would become my being as His child of faith.

  3. Bird says:

    Same here, Vince!

  4. Pat says:

    Hello Vince,wonderful post,I think we all go through this and it’s important that we do.I believe it keeps us humble,we must check with God about our post because it is he we represent .And just as with other things that God calls us to do we must wait to hear from him and not try to impress others. Of course the old nature fights us all of the way,so we pray,pray and pray!
    Love you brother 😀

  5. Anissa Mathias says:

    We all have that struggle within us, but if we are true to ourselves, and follow the path that God has set for us, all the words we type or put on paper not only come from our hearts, but they come from Him as well.

  6. jamie says:

    I think that there are times when writing is meant only to glorify the Lord but I also believe that like all gifts He gives us, sometimes those gifts also help us. The gifts from the Lord work both in us and through us. As a writer I think there are days when I am close to Lord when His spirit flows both in me and out me. Sometimes a writer’s biggest task is to be able to discern if His spirit is flowing inward or outward!

    Peace to you, Vince!

    • Vince Chough says:

      Thanks Jamie for all your comments on my posts. I feel blessed from you. I know what you mean… it´s all about trying to be and instrument of His.
      Many blessings, Vince

  7. Cristal says:

    “And I fear their obliteration as it will mean the death of me.” Amen. My pastor recently asked us to pray God would remove all legalism from our church body. I told him that might mean my certain death!

  8. Bird says:

    Hi, Vince. I tagged you — see here:

    http://birdmartin.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/finally-i-get-to-answer-the-important-questions/

    Hope you will play! I love it when you let your wild side hang out!!

    — Bird

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